I don’t even know why but I can’t stop thinking about Kenya. Like seriously? I know almost nothing about the country, nothing about the people, and nothing about what my involvement with this country may or may not be. But every time I turn around it is there, smacking me in the face, hinting to me something greater than I can even fully conceive. 

And then today in my CLFM class (which almost always drives me insane to have to sit through) we talked about change. And how change is innately grained in the very core of our existence, yet we resist change with every fiber of who we are. We explored and began to unpack that idea and as we did I couldn’t help but think about San Diego. In class we talked about how it takes experiences to shell shock us out of our complacency and help facilitate change. Again I drifted back to San Diego. How has that changed me? I feel like it should have drastically changed me, but what have I done with that potential for change… nothing. And that disappoints me. Breaks my heart. How could we have been so fired up by this experience, by what God was doing in and through us, and then just come home and let the boiling water come back to room temperature.

In class we read Dr. King. He said “Christians in particular, are thermometers that record or register the temperature of majority opinion, not the thermometers that transform and regulate the temperature of society.” 

Why is that? We who are called into greatness - greater things than even Jesus accomplished. Yet we settle. We forget. We cool down, conform, become complacent. 

I don’t even know what to say other than I am sorry. I am sorry to you seven guys who followed me into the streets. I am sorry for all of you who have been touched by the luke warm hands of Christianity. I am sorry that I have lost sight of what the gospels tell me, and instead listen to the “wisdom” of society. 

I am disgusted by myself.